i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize