I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
