You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
