We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's shark week go big or go home
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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