I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
