She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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