I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to sanitize my soul.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
