yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
