I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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