I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize