I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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