just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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