I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
