It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
