just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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