Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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