I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
