Yo dont text me then not text me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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