I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
