i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
