pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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