I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
