so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
