Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
