OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
