the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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