I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Less talking, more tequila
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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