3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize