yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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