mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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