glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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