The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
