I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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