i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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