Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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