so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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