The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
