wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
