reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
