He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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