He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
