Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize