dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You pole danced in your parka.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
