How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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