Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
