She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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