She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
