How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
