Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
