i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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