Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
