she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
