He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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