So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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