he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
