he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
