I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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