so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
