he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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