How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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