What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
