its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
