physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
