God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
