Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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