just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
