SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
