remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
